An experiment of the soul

Recently, I've been feeling lost. I'm once again changing career paths. Partly out of necessity and partly out of curiosity. This leads me to the recurring question in my life: what do I want? I have tried so many methods of finding out. People tell me it will happen in time or by finding what I don't want. 

A few nights ago, my partner challenged me to always give an answer. To never say "I don't know" and leave it at that. Even if it's not a perfect answer or it's just the first thing I think of, just say something. I actually think this was a stroke of genius but I'm sure he doesn't realise that. After all, I have to maintain my persona as the mastermind. 

Working in the field of MBS (that's Mind, Body & Spirit for all you sceptics out there), I've discovered many ways to 'awaken your intuition'. I've tried yoga, crystals, Tarot, sound healing, reiki and even had my aura photographed. I've looked at feng shui and witchcraft, listened to subliminals and decoded my dreams. I still don't feel I know who I am or what I want. But perhaps I'm literally just thinking too hard about it. That's the whole point. Intuition is not a conscious calculation, it's a feeling. Like love, you don't control it you just let it guide you. 

By challenging myself to never leave a question unanswered or a decision unmade, I believe I will be able to figure out what I want. I've already started by eating dinner alone in a restaurant (because that's what I felt like at the time) and booking in another piercing (trying not to overthink if future me will regret it). There are bigger decisions to be made like where to live or what sector to work in. I think by excluding factors outside of myself and letting my intuition be my guide I could land in a good place. If I don't, it's okay. It's never too late to start again - people do it every day. 

Did you know that the number one thing people say they regret at the end of their lives is having let the judgement of others stop them doing what they wanted to do? We all fear social judgement, as I've written about lots before, it's our survival instinct to fit in with the group. It's not a bad thing but sometimes it limits us. Especially in the modern age when there are so many opportunities and decisions to be made. 

This brings us to the other issue I have already got a solution for. We make so many decisions every day - from what to wear to which phrase to use to say hello. This can lead to decision fatigue. I often don't reply to texts because of decision fatigue. However, I truly believe that limiting time online reduces this. To read a book you only have to make one choice: am I going to read this book yes or no? When you're online you're faced with so much noise and colour and adverts and trying to work out what's real and what's AI generated or what's trendy or the news or what are people my age doing blah blah blah. Cut the noise and make life easier for yourself. You don't have to unplug entirely and ostracise yourself from the world. Just be aware of the impact your internet usage has on your mindset and capacity to function. 

I hope if you're a lost soul like me you'll give this challenge a go. It might help, it might be ineffective. The worst that could happen is you try it. But what's the best that could happen...? Think about it.