Flourishing Self

I've got to an age where I realised I'm not special. I'm nobody's favourite person. I'm not going to magically grow up into someone significant. In a world of Gatsby's I am a Nick. This is deeply upsetting to me but why should it matter so much? Why do we set so much importance on individuality? Is feeling loved the same as feeling special? I don't believe so. One can feel loved because they are ordinary or because they change themselves to fit in. We have this idea in Western societies that if you are 'yourself' (in the sense of "just be yourself") that will automatically make you quirky and interesting. The unique and lovable parts of ourselves we hide away to fit the status quo will be celebrated or useful in one way or another. But what if your true self is simply ordinary?  If your true self is an average, normal person like a default character or a Lego man before the hats and swanky clothes, you have to try to embellish that because ...

 Here ye! Here ye! A revolutionary philosophy unearthed! Having boundaries and putting yourself first isn't the only way you're failing to protect your energy!  You're putting yourself first, setting boundaries, trying to trust the process but still feeling guilty and trapped. What is wrong with you? Why can't you just switch it off? Just be a girlboss and slay.  I was talking to my Mum the other evening and while giving her some advice I came to my own realisations mid-conversation. We were talking about all the people we want to protect and how far is reasonable to go when looking out for a loved one. Where do you draw the line between stopping them doing something harmful to themselves and helping minimise risk where you can?  You have to let people be responsible for themselves. If someone wants to take a risk, you can express your discontent but you can't restrict their free will - you can't stop them doing it. No matter how good a negotiator you might be, ...

I was out with a friend this evening and after a classy book launch and a trip to Eataly we got talking about a mutual friend whom we both love but feel we've grown apart from. We went to the same university and were a close group of four for years before she made the move to Korea to start a new life. She just got married! Which is fantastic and we're so happy for her. But my Eataly friend was worried they don't have as much time to catch up as they used to. She felt de-prioritised. This is a rare moment I had some wisdom to empart and I wouldn't have written this blog if she hadn't expressed openly that my advice helped her process the situation. So here it is.  I have been through the same thing before. A close childhood friend moved to a different country in a difficult time zone. I went to visit her and she told me she was unsure if meeting up was a good idea. She said she had a new life and it was unrealistic to expect us to be able to keep in touch regularly....

Why is it that we try so hard to inspire children, who have little real power in the world, but give up when they reach maturity? As adults, we are the ones with legal power (the right to vote), financial power (the ability to invest), social power (to dedicate your working life to a cause), the power of ownership (over ourselves and our actions). Children barely have the power to pick their own clothes let alone affect real change in the world. Don't get me wrong, there are certain exceptional children who have achieved incredible things. Children ought to be inspired as leaders of the future. But WE are leaders of today! We are in control of the here and now as living, breathing, working adults. Why do we shift our focus away from what inspired us as kids?  I used to advocate fierce feminism and environmental science for a better future. Now what do I do? I am a feminist when the opportunity arises. I support green policies in likes and shares online but take no real action towar...

Life can be chaotic. Other people don't help. You may have heard the saying "you can't control what other people do but you can control how you react." This is a very true statement.  For one reason or another, people can be rude, selfish and put you at a significant disadvantage. As much as I would love to tell you the solution is teaching empathy in schools and having more respect for one another, I believe this is partly just human nature. There are circumstances and situations we cannot avoid. Bad ex's, disruptive neighbours, horrible bosses.  When we ruminate over these people, their actions, their attitudes, how they harm us and affect our lives, we are essentially inviting them into our headspace. Someone might have insulted you and what transpired in the 30 seconds it took to speak the injury develops into hours of rumination in our minds. We think about it when we are going to sleep, commuting, eating, in those quiet moments of the day. These moments are ...

Lately, I've been feeling like nothing is ever enough. My mum tells me that's what happens in your 20's but I know that problems don't resolve magically. They take work. So, I thought I'd jump on here to say first of all that if you feel this way you are not alone. Also, don't believe it. Secondly, that if you're feeling like you are never content with your achievements there are things you can do to stop feeling that way!  Take Stock of your Achievements  I bet you have been so busy thinking about the things you haven't done that you have not allowed time to appreciate what you have. Take a moment or more to make a list (mental or otherwise) of all the things you have achieved over the last few months. Think about where you were in the last stage of your life and where you wanted to be. Most likely, what you thought life would be like is not how it turns out. That's okay! That's the beauty of the unpredictable nature of life. Unpredictable means...